Fear not!

To say that last week's bible study with Beth Moore was amazing would be an understatement. I haven't posted about yet because I really wanted to take some time to process the things she said. Here are the points I'm still pondering. Points that are changing my heart and my perspective.

1. Conditional trust leaves us in the tight fist of fear. "Our conditional trust positions us as negotiators and beggars before God instead of secure children."
2. "What if..." If = I Fear
3. I have the courage of God's presence.
4. I can bitter and resentful or with courage and determination.
5. And if _______________________(fill in the blank with something you fear), then my God will take care of me
6. Psalm 138:8 - The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me; your love, O Lord, endures forever."
7. 1 Cor. 2:9 - "No eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived what God has prepared for those who love him."

Each week it just keeps getting better! Thank you, Jesus!!

Happy Birthday, Garrett!

Today was Garrett's birthday! He turned 8, and I can't believe it! We celebrated at the restaurant of his choice...Lamberts! We had a wonderful time celebrating the gift that he is!

Playing with the Boys

This weekend Tina and Chris took Chase to a baseball tournament in Niangua. Mom and Dad kept Garrett and Ethan, so I hung around and helped out.

Mom has been working on some new landscaping in the back of the house. The boys thought they'd help out.

They shoveled rocks for a while.

Garrett pulled out all the worms from the dirt where Grammy was working.

Ethan is always willing to help out!

Rock work got a little boring, so they went out to play some baseball. According to Ethan, he was really "cwanking" 'em!

After baseball, we headed out for a walk. (After grabbing a snack, of course.)

We offered some cheeseballs to Stormy, but he wasn't really interested.

We even shared our cheeseballs with Pop.

On our way back, Ethan thought he'd join Roy (Pop's hunting dog) for a while.
We ended our day with a 4-wheeler ride. Then, it was in to the tub. This picture just doesn't quite do justice to how dirty Ethan's hands really were!

Family Time

Note: This was supposed to post earlier in the week, but I obviously messed up the "scheduling". Since this blog is to serve as a reminder of days gone by, I'm going to post it anyway.

Saturday: We celebrated Chase and Garrett's birthdays. Chase turned 12 on Monday and Garrett will turn 8 next Monday. All Garrett asked for was a basketball. He's such a content little guy! Chase asked for money because he was saving for an ipod. (Way to go, Chris & Tina, for teaching him about saving!!)

Sunday: After church we went to Hemingway's to eat lunch with my Papa's brothers, sister, and their wives. To put it mildly, they are quite a group! (I don't have any pictures of them because I couldn't tie them down long enough.)

Monday: We got together for dinner in honor of Chase! He's quite the funny guy! Let me tell you, there's never a dull moment with 3 boys around!

Wonderful Wednesday

For the past several weeks, on Wednesdays I have come home to find my yard looking beautiful and immaculately groomed. My dear, sweet mom has been coming over and mowing my yard for me. Amazing, I know! Today, not only did she mow my yard, but she mowed BOTH of my sisters' yards, too! Mom, you are so giving of your time, and you're always looking for ways to make our lives easier. Thank you for loving us the way you do!

God is good - ALL the time!

"I am overcome with joy because of God's unfailing love, for He has seen my troubles, and He cares about the anguish of my soul." -- Psalm 31:7

To everyone who has been praying for me the past couple of days...thank you! To those of you who called and checked on me and just let me know that you are always there for me...thank you! I have no doubt that God has been loving me through all of you.

Waiting

I don't even know what to call this post. I'm not even sure if I'll post it. I just needed to try and work out what I'm feeling.

I thought I was past days like this. I thought I was past asking questions like, "why?", and "when?". I feel like I've prayed for the same thing over and over. It seems unlikely that I was meant to live my life as a single adult. If that is true, why did God put such a strong desire in my heart to be married and have a family? It's been 2 years since I truly surrendered and finally walked away from the man that I loved. While Satan tries to confuse me, I have NO doubt this is what God wanted me to do. (I know that doesn't sound right. God hates divorces. But, God loves me and knew what had to be done.) There were days I felt like I was dying inside, but I was obedient.

I know God has plans for me. Most days I believe those plans include marriage and a family. But, the clock is ticking, and I'm not getting any younger. Why the wait? Am I not ready? Is there something more I should be learning from this time alone? Should I be doing more for others since I have no one at home to care for? As self-consumed as this post may seem, I have prayed over and over, that God would take away any of my heart's desires that don't match up with His. While I'm waiting, I'm still serving and praising God, but every now and then a day like this comes along like this when I feel so alone that my heart aches.

I know I have so much to be thankful for. I have a large, wonderful, supportive family, and my friends are the most precious in the world. But, they all have lives of their own. They should be living them without someone else tagging along.

I'm thankful for all the blessings that being single offers. (Coming and going as I please, not having to cook if I don't feel like, watching whatever I want on TV, sleeping in the middle of the bed, not having to clean house as often because only 1 person lives here) But, being single offers some challenges, too. (Coming home to an empty house, not having anyone to share your day with, grocery shopping and cooking for 1, not having anyone to hold you when you've encountered a "mean girl" at work, not having anyone to take care of)

All I want is for God to make me OK with whatever plans He has for me. He alone knows what's best. I know that. The waiting is hard. Whether it's waiting for Him to bring me together with that special someone or waiting for Him to change my heart. Hmm. Waiting. That's what I should call this. I am going to post this because I believe that one day the waiting (either way) will be over and reading where God brought me from will remind of His faithfulness.

Dinner and a Movie

What a day! Today at school we celebrated the fact that MAP testing is over and that everyone worked hard and did their best. We had a kickball tournament and then game day in the classroom. It was wonderful, as I needed the "brain break" as much as my students!

After school, Kelly, Leslie and I went to Applebees for dinner. It was great to get away from school, relax, and let the day fade away. Thank you, Girls, for always making me laugh and helping me relax. (Leslie, as hard of a time I've been giving you, you wouldn't think I would have forgotten to take a picture of us, but I did!)

Later, Kelly came over and we watched the movie "Australia". It was wonderful, and Hugh Jackman was simply perfection!

You never know what they'll say

As you know, we've been MAP testing in my classroom for the past 2 weeks. Thankfully, tomorrow is the last day! When MAP testing is over for the day, the kiddos are usually pretty wiped out, so we take a break and work on the Missouri packet the state sends us. It's full of information about our states' symbols, animals, trees, Famous Missourians, and a coloring book. Today while they were working, I overheard a boy talking to his friends while he was reading about Missouri's insect. Here's what he said:
"Oh, my gosh! Are you kidding me? A honeybee? They could have a least made it a hornet!"

A little later, while working a word search, he repeatedly said:
"Mee-nee-rl? Mee-nee-rl? Where is it? What is it?"

A very frustrated, annoyed girl answered:
"It's min-er-al!"

Later in the afternoon, 2 girls were calling multiplication facts for a game of Quizmo (a Bingo-like game used to review math concepts). They became frustrated with the class because they were continually having to repeat what they called. I guess they'd had enough, because the next thing I knew they had written this on the board:
"We're NOT repeating what we say anymore!"

Girls, I feel your pain!


Kids are so funny!

We interrupt this MAP test to bring you...

We had just finished MAP testing for the day when one of my boys announced that there were turkey on the playground. It's not everyday that something like this happens, so we all gathered around the window to check it out. We counted 16 turkey crossing the soccer field on the playground. It was pretty cool!

Easter Sunday

"We serve a risen Savior, He's in the world today..." How did you spend Easter Sunday? We all had lunch at my Mom & Dad's. Me being me, I took pictures of everyone as they came in. (Note to family: I know I'm always bugging you for a picture, but one day you'll thank me for this.)
Chris, Tina, Chase, Garrett, and Ethan

Matt, Tonya, Jacob, and Abby
Dad and Mom Papa and Grandma Grana and Bob Me and my Girl

Me and my Boys

Dad and his daughters

Two Godly women

Pop and his only granddaughter

We spent the afternoon doing what we normally do at family gatherings: talking, laughing, and playing games. Grana taught us a new game called Dummy Rummy. It was a lot of fun, but I was no good. Good thing I moved on to Mario Kart where I was able to win a little!
I'm so thankful for my wonderful family!

Deviled Eggs and other things

We are having Easter lunch at Mom and Dad's tomorrow. My part is to bring the deviled eggs and paper products. Since the eggs get messed up when I covered them, I thought I'd take a picture of the finished product.

I use this Pampered Chef gadget (sorry, can't think of the name) to fill the eggs. It makes it so fast and easy and they turn out looking beautiful!

There's nothing like waiting until the last minute to get things done. During the 9:00 hour Mom was at Wal-Mart getting a meat thermometer for the ham. Tina sent Chris there, too, to get a cake pan for the dessert she's supposed to bring. And at 9:45, I left to go to school to get my camera. After all, I can't be without it on Easter! Oh, the lengths we will go to for a family get together! :)

Good Friday

Today's weather seems very fitting, don't you think? Dreary and chilling. That must have been the outlook for the disciples thousands of years ago. Even knowing how it all turns out, this day always holds a heaviness. It's humbling, to say the least, to know that God sent His one and only Son for me and for you. Me. An imperfect, sinful, unworthy person. The debt was mine to pay, yet He took it from me. I'm so thankful that Jesus was willing to take on the my sin and the sin of the world. I could never do anything to make myself worthy of the sacrifice He made, but that's the beauty of it. He saved me and welcomed me into His arms just as I was. Everyday since then He's been molding, shaping, and changing me. Because of the sacrifice He made, I live everyday knowing that God loves me unconditionally and walks beside me. I have peace in knowing my eternal destiny. Nothing in life should ever get me down or defeat me. I serve the King of Kings and Lord of Lords. I'm a child of the King. What an amazing truth! I never want to take the precious gift of salvation for granted. Thank you, Jesus, for loving me so much!

The power of positive thinking

I love my job. I love my job. I love my job. Just call me the Little Engine that could.

It's been really hard getting back into the swing of things at work. Spring Break offered moments where I actually got to have some thoughts to myself. I didn't have 10 kids following me around or calling my name, needing my undivided attention at that very moment. (Mom, now I know why when we were little you'd tell us your name wasn't "Mom" any more!)

Don't get me wrong. I really do love teaching! I love building relationships with my students. I love being a part of shaping their character and teaching them how to problem solve. As a teacher, I enjoy learning about the brain and how it learns. I also like applying this to my lessons and watching it actually work. I really can't see myself doing anything different.

I'm sure once I get back into the routine and find that delicate balance between work and home, I'll find that "groove" again! I know we all go through times like this.

The healing process

I’ve had a rough week. I really thought I’d be past the trying times. I thought I’d worked through all the hurt. But, as you’ve read before (and will probably read again), there will still be times when I remember and times I will still hurt over choosing to leave behind the one I loved. This post is for friend of mine who is going through a similar situation. Friend, there is no secret recipe or magic words for “getting over” someone. It’s different for everyone. Here are things I did while God lead me toward healing.

1. Pray - so that you know what God is calling you to do


2. Make a choice - choose to take you life back, break the stronghold he has over you


3. Make a commitment - to not take his phone calls, read his emails, or listen to his messages (I had to have friends do this for me. I knew that hearing "his" voice would break me down.)


4. Choose a scripture to stand on - choose one of God's many promises to cling to


5. Lean on friends and family - God has blessed you with them and He wants to love you through them.


6. Accountability partner - find someone and tell them that you promise to call them before you him so that they can remind you why this is bad idea


7. Control your thoughts - do not think about "what ifs" or "if onlys", actually anytime you begin to replay memories of days gone by, just say no!

Friend, the process is long, hard, and sometimes lonely. But, when you get to the other side, your heart will be mended, and ever better…you’ll know God more. We can only truly know He’s there for us by leaning on Him. We cannot know his comfort, rest, and peace if we don’t surrender to him. My words of advice for you would be to pray, pray, pray. That’s how you’re going to know where God’s leading you. For me, healing could only come when the bondage was broken. The only way for this to happen was to break all contact with him. My opinion is that if your guy was going to be different, you would have already seen a change in him. It’s time for you to decide that you’re going to fight for yourself. To do this, you have to let him go. Friend, if you need someone to hold you accountable, just call. I’m ready and willing to help.

Thank you, Jesus, for not giving up on me. Thank you for blessing me with such wonderful family and friends. When I look back at where you've brought me from, I have no doubt you carried me all the way!

Long time no see

This is where I workout. It's been so long since I've been in that I wasn't sure my key code thing would work. While I haven't totally avoided working out, (I've been walking outside with friends a few times), it's time to get serious again. About this time last year I had just lost 34 pounds. Now it's time to get back on the bandwagon and lose about that much more. I just wish it wasn't so hard!

Play Ball!

Tonight I went to Garrett's baseball game. Normally when you think of baseball, you think summer. Not tonight! It was so cold. Instead of wearing sunscreen and flip flops, we were wearing coats and scarves. But, it was well worth it!

He did such a great job. He plays catcher just like my Aunt Carole did. He's amazing! My favorite part of the whole night was when he ran over to hug on all of us who went to the game. Garrett, you have such a big, tender heart. That's just one of the many things I I love about you!

Smart stuff

When we go to my mom and dad's, Chloe loves to sit with my dad. The only problem is that she can't jump up in the chair by herself. He has to pick her up and put her up there. After awhile, this gets old. Leave it to my mom to solve the problem. It's actually pretty cute. I've posted a very short video of it below. She's such a spoiled dog!

Happy Anniversary, Mom & Dad

37 years and still going strong! I love you both and am so thankful that I grew up in a home with both of my parents. I watch you guys making compromises and trying to make the other happy. I know God is blessing that! I hope you have a great day, celebrating each other!