Hiding

When I become exhausted, I usually go into hiding.  You know, the kind where you shut yourself off, become numb, and just let life happen to you.  The kind where you just go through the motions.  That's where I've been.  In hiding.  I'd like to put it eloquently and say that I've just put down my sword to rest.  But, I need to face the music.  I became weary and just gave up.  I've given up looking for the positive.  I've given in to fatigue and negativity.  I've let my guard down and have listened to the lies of the enemy.

Here are the things that sent me into hiding:

1. In January I got a new student.  Boy is he a tough one!  He really needs more help than I can give him.  Over the past month and a half, he's completely changed the dynamics of my classroom.  Sad to say, some most days I feel out of patience and understanding.  He has really worn me down.  This weariness brings me to point number 2...
2. It seems every year this job gets harder.  There are more demands and more behavior issues to manage than ever before.  I struggle to remain passionate about the profession I love.
3. Well, I'm not even going to type this one out.  Let's just say, same old, same old!  Lately I've even started wondering if I've done something wrong and so God is punishing me by not giving me something that seems like such a simple thing. 

Now, to be totally honest, God has been speaking to my heart for a couple of weeks now, guiding me towards things I need to do to help these situations.  I have absolutely no excuse for not stepping up to what He's shown me other than that I didn't feel I had it in me to do.  I haven't been ready to get back up and press on.

Here's why I know it's time to come out of hiding:

1. Each day that I head to school, I do so unprepared.  I'm not ready to "do battle".  I have not armed myself with the Word or God or spent time seeking Him before I start the day.  It's no wonder I feel like the walking wounded!
2. I know that I know that I know, I'm right where I'm supposed to be right now.  I've been called to teach and hopefully share the love of Jesus too.  I need to stand firm in this.  God has a plan and a purpose and He has equipped me with the tools I need to do that which He has called me for.
3. We recently had a service about the the Vision for 2010.  I felt God remind my heart of those words from Esther, for such a time as this.  I felt confident that Sunday saying, Lord I will walk through the doors of opportunity that you open for me.  I will serve you and give you my life.  Lord, have your way in me.  I believe that God has plans for me, something good, too.  His word promises that.  Instead of continuing to pray for it, I'm going to celebrate it now and give thanksgiving now. Tonight at prayer meeting Pastor John talked to us about the value of praise.  He was totally spekaing to me when he said that sometimes, we don't want to believe God's plans going to to work unless we can figure it out, but God wants us to submit, trust, and believe.  Shouting God's praise for what He's going do prepares the way!

I'm so thankful to serve a LIVING God!  A God of the Universe who cares about the day to day happenings of my life.  I'm thankful for family and friends who support me with prayer and encouragement when I'm struggling.  I'm praising God for the victories I'm going to have now that I'm coming out of hiding!!