It's here. Tomorrow I turn 35. 35. How did I get here so fast? While it was a little difficult breezing by thirty without a family of my own, thirty-five was always the point of no return in my mind. I always held this age off fearing it would leave me destined to be single and past the child bearing years. And while it pains me to write those words because I can remember how hopeless those thoughts made me feel, it is no longer how I face this new number.
This summer I've learned more about myself and what I'm capable of than ever before. Since May I've been up and in the gym by 6:00, and since school has started I've been up at 4:45!! That's A.M, people!! We work out for an hour a day. (2 hours back in the summer!) Anyone knowing me can understand what a complete change this is. The night owl in me definitely still exists, but I've learned to tame it a bit. I feel better and have more energy than ever before!
The night before I was to start this new routine I couldn't sleep for fear of failure. The Lord kept nudging me reminding me that something great was on the other side. After all, why else would the devil be fighting me so hard? So, I showed up the next day scared out of my mind!! Now, after four months I can honestly say I miss it if I don't make it in. I just don't feel the same that day. I'm sure it's not only to do with the exercise, but the fabulous company I keep while doing it! This first hour in the day is spent being encouraged and cheered on every single day. I'm so thankful God put me with this special gal!!
While I've had to fight back fear and insecurity in the gym, I'm fighting it back emotionally and spiritually, too. I'm not afraid to speak faith over my situation. I don't care what others think when I boldly proclaim my day is coming! Age doesn't matter! Like my momma has been telling me, God's timetable is the only one that matters. There are no deadlines with Him!
The longing is still there. The hole is still waiting to be filled, but in the meantime, God is faithful to show me all He's blessed me TODAY - an unbelievable family, amazing friends, and a church that is so filled with the presence of the Lord you're always bummed service is over. The present is a wonderful place to be! So, here's to turning thirty-five!! But, mark my words, the best is yet to come!
